The Hell We Create In Silence And Screams

Hi I know I started this blog in October, and I'm making my first real post today two whole months after my introductory post. But you see I have had trouble with this post because its something I'm dealing right now. For the past few months I have been struggling with the fact that I have been keeping a lot of my feelings to myself. For several reasons like not wishing to tell my uncle and his family that I was tired of them of their consistent fighting between each other, or trying to tell a friend that he is not a friend of mine, or saying its alright when you been forgotten from a plan, or even when you tell your parents that its ok you are full from the meal you got, or even saying to the girl you like that its fine you can see her another day even after being stood up for the fifth time. And eventually all of this silences you keep affect you and break you down in two ways I consider most likely to happen, either you explode and tell every single thing that crosses your mind to whoever is in front of you even if they don't deserve it, or you break into depression and you cant rise from it because you consider all the silences problems too big to surpass. And whichever happens you will have created a special hell for yourself either in sadness or in rage which will soon be joined with hate and then loneliness. Then what's the alternative maybe saying everything instead of keeping it quiet when it happens, but that rises another problem much faster than the other method does. Because if you think it correctly saying the truth at those moments will either create anger in the other, or make the other feel bad with themselves. In the end creating another hell even though you did it with good intentions, but as they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Now there is a way to try not to create a hell for yourself, it is simple and maybe you already thought about it while reading the previous paragraph. Why not try a balance of both, of keeping silence in some moments and of saying the truths in others. And this is the most logical way to go on about things, trying to keep a balance between what you say and what you don't  Now you may be the type of person who likes to say the things that he thinks is right in any subject, and may not care what the others think. If you are like this, then do not kidd yourself because you know you like to think people like you. But there will be a point where you will sincerely try to not be affected by what other people think of you, because it will hurt so deep every time a rumour of hatred towards you reaches your ear. When you arrive to that point you may see it as a point of no return yet my dear friend that is a mistake, there is a way back yet the path is not simple nor is it nice. But what in life that is worth it is it simple or beautiful, anything that matters will cost you an eye and an arm. I wish I could give you the map to return yet I cant because for every person the challenges that they have to surpass are different sometimes more challenging than the other. Yet do not loose faith, because right when it seems the toughest the exit is right there.

I now I have deviated a bit out of my original topic haha, yet I felt I had too. As I said in the beginning I'm in this current situation where I have kept too much for myself, my cousin who lives far from this place where I'm says everything that bothers her, even the most insignificant problem turns to the most insurmountable mountain. And acting like that I understood that could not be my path, and that I was in couldn't be either, for we both suffered I in silence and she out loud. After passing months with her, I came with the conclusion that I have expressing in the past paragraphs and it is this we cannot live in the two extremes as much as we want to it is not recommended we must make a balance. I know for many of you it is obvious most likely so obvious that you didn't reach this far for other though it isn't. My path has been changed and yet I feel this entry lacks an end. Well I hope my point came through, don't make a hell for yourself by keeping stuff inside, be able to see which things matter to fight for and scream about and which don't  Because in the end the hell you create will not only hold you captive but the persons you hurt for the pain we create or we let slide causes a ripple and expands reaching everyone near you. So find the balance in your voice and mind so your hell does not exist or at least is controlled to some extent. Wishing you luck and hoping you find this I say goodbye, and I invite you whoever you are to comment either positively or negatively or ask questions, hell do whatever you want in the end this is open.

´´Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself´´  

                    -Jessye Norman